Raising Feminist Men ~ by Jay

You know when you haven't heard something before and all of a sudden it's everywhere? That's how it is for me right now with the phrase "raising feminist men". Right now like every blog I read repeats it either in the posts or the comments, most recently Renee at Feministe.

Of course I agree with the commenters who say that parents can't entirely win out over socialized gender roles - I'm the one with the eight-year-old who wants makeup. Kids will do what they can to win approval from their peers and to avoid censure, even if that means giving up something the really like to do. It's a challenge for me, mom of one girl, to think about raising boys to be feminist. Ties in pretty closely with the discussion about equal-share parenting, too. Since I don't have a clear idea on my own but I do have a feminist man sitting right here, I asked him.

Sam says "Just expect them to take care of themselves. Teach them how to do whatever needs doing - laundry, dishes, ironing, cooking - and make it clear that everyone who lives in the house is responsible for making sure the work gets done. Don't do it for them if they can do it themselves, and don't act like they're doing anything special when they do it. Question the messages they get about 'what boys do' and 'what girls do'." I add "Hang around with other families who share the same assumptions and behaviors".

There's the equal-share thing again. Is that the same as raising feminist men? Seems to me it's a long way there. Yes, it's important to teach kids to see and question the unspoken messages they receive from mass culture, and to help them develop the skills to resist peer pressure if they can. As they move through their days, our children will carry with them an understanding of how the world works that is formed by their life at home. The more that life includes modeling respect and equality, the more likely they are to expect respect and equality themselves, and act on those values.

We'll all struggle on as we parent against the cultural tide. We'll fight stereotyping where we can and stand against peer pressure, and we'll also make sure we teach our boys how to clean the toilet. It's all for a good cause.